Broken Again
by BeautifulLieLikeSugarNCyanide
Summary: He'd loved her and she had left. He'd loved Juliet and she had left. He'd loved Kate again, and she had left again.


Author's Note: Slightly AU, takes place when Kate walks into Sawyer and Juliet's old house and finds Sawyer mourning over her death. I do not own Lost but...if someone would like to offer me Sawyer, I wouldn't decline.

**Broken Again**

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sawyer looked up to see Kate backing away from the doorway. Her face was reddening like it always did when she was embarrassed, and her eyes had that nervous, deer-in-the-headlights look to them.

"I-I just…" Kate's words caught in her throat, "I didn't know where to…I couldn't be at that place…I needed to leave…"

"So you came here? To _our house_?" Sawyer lowered his gun, and cocked his head to the side; a slightly sickened look was shadowing across his tanned face.

"Where else would I have gone?"

"I told you not to follow me, _Kate_," he spat out her name as if it were a bad taste.

"I-I know and I…I shouldn't have. I am sorry for coming here."

She began to back away towards the front door.

"Wait."

She turned and Sawyer was behind her, shoving the gun into his back pocket. He let out an exasperated sigh, "Come here."

Kate followed him back towards the bedroom. Sawyer jerked his head towards the bed and she sat down.

"See that shoe box?" He asked gruffly, "Open it."

Kate did as she was told, her hands shaking as she lifted the lid. Inside, there were some dried flowers and a ring.

"The flowers were ones I'd surprise her with," Sawyer took a seat next to Kate, "Every day I'd bring her one of those damn flowers. She loved the things. Dried and pressed them. The ring? I was going to ask her to marry me, Kate."

"Sawyer…"

"Shut it. I'm doin' the talkin' here. Think you can keep that big mouth of yours quiet for five seconds? _Please_? It was my fault, Kate. I asked her to stay. She wanted off this damn island and I begged her to stay all because…because I was afraid," a tear slowly trickled down his cheek, "I was afraid of being alone. But you know, maybe that's just how it's meant to be. Maybe some people just are meant to be alone."

Kate reached up to wipe the tear, but her jerked away, "No, Kate. Don't do that. Don't you _dare_ do that! Don't you come marchin' after me thinkin' you can just make this all okay. Don't you dare go tryin' to make this okay."

"I'm not," Kate pulled her hand away, "I just…I'm sorry, Sawyer. I am so sorry."

"If you leave now, you can be back before dark."

"No," Kate's voice was barely a whisper, "I can't go back there…"

"Then go somewhere else," Sawyer said it like it was the simplest concept in the world before growling, "_Anywhere but here_."

"You can't stay here – look at this place. What will you do?"

"That's none of your concern."

"_You're_ my concern."

Sawyer's face softened a bit, he touched one of her curls, "Look, Freckles - me and you - we go way back. I know you and I know what's best for you, believe it or not, and I know you need to turn back. Go back to the temple. Go back with our friends."

"And I know you and I know it's no good for you to just sit here. There's no food, the place isn't safe anymore for you. You have to leave."

"This is my home, Kate. I was happy in my tent on the beach. But that got taken from me. I was happy here, then this gets taken from me too. Don't make this any more difficult…"

"You think you're the only one who's lost anything?" Kate stood from the bed.

"Kate…"

"I get it, I do. Juliet met a lot to you. Apparently so much that you were gonna marry her! But you can't just shut down and stay here like this. This place will eat you up, destroy you."

"I'm already destroyed."

Kate rolled her eyes, "Can you just go a day without making me want to smack you."

"No," Sawyer almost grinned before catching himself and forcing a frown.

"Don't be a dick."

"Hey," Sawyer stood from the bed.

"Don't you ever just wish we could go back to the beach? Like it was?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Almost everyday."

"Why can't we?"

"Don't be stupid, Freckles."

"It's not being stupid! Really, why can't we just go to the beach and pitch a tent and just…"

"Because it won't work. It never worked. This whole 'make-a-home-for-ourselves' thing never worked, Kate."

"Can't we just try?"

She looked so desperate. Sawyer had never seen her genuinely look so desperate and his heart ached a bit. Freckles. Damn Freckles standing in front of him breaking his heart as always. How much more could it break?

Since he'd met her, his heart had broken more times than he thought possible. Was there anything left, or just a bunch of barbed-wire-like scars?

"Look," Sawyer sighed, his shoulders sinking, "Just go back. _Please_ go back, Kate. They need you."

"You need me."

"Don't be a dumbass. Go before I throw you over my back and carry you back to that damn temple."

Kate opened her mouth to say something, earning a glare from Sawyer. She shut her mouth, nodded, and turned to leave.

"Freckles?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck."

"You too, Sawyer. Stay out of trouble."

"I would say 'you too' but I know better. Bye, Shortcake."

"Bye, Fish Biscuit."

Kate let a small, sad smile tug at the corner of her lips. Sawyer allowed the same. They stood there, fighting the smiles, wrestling with them, until Kate finally turned and left.

Sawyer heard the door shut behind her. He sunk back down onto the bed, gripping the ring in his hand.

"Damn it, Freckles," he tossed the ring across the room.

He'd loved her and she had left. He'd loved Juliet and she had left. He'd loved Kate again, and she had left again.

Sawyer put his head in his hands, feeling the tears splash into his palms. Some people were just supposed to be alone, right?


End file.
